


everything was blue

by ipreferlemonpie



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, F/M, M/M, Malec, Suicidal Alec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-03-04
Packaged: 2018-05-24 15:58:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6158890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ipreferlemonpie/pseuds/ipreferlemonpie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Magnus Bane had come to realize that when it came to Alexander Gideon Lightwood everything was blue. </p><p>// inspired by Colors by Halsey.</p>
            </blockquote>





	everything was blue

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings:  
> Suicide  
> Mental Illness (depression)
> 
> Set after the battle in Alicante.
> 
> I recommend reading while listening to Colors by Halsey.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own The Mortal Instruments it belongs to Cassandra Clare, nor do I own Colors, it belongs to Halsey, so please don't sue me.

Magnus sat on the couch of his living room wearing nothing but his favourite bathrobe as he watched his boyfriend pop a couple of blue pills into his mouth and swallow them with half a glass of water. He narrowed his eyes as Alec strapped his bow and arrows to his back.

“Alec?” Magnus called as the other man selected a few knives from a black case.

“Hmm?” Alec didn’t even glance at him.

Magnus stared at him with narrowed eyes before deciding what his next words would be. “I love you.”

Without looking up, Alec said, “I do too”, and continued his weapon hunt.

Alec was quiet and focused on one thing at a time, Magnus knew that, but since the fight in Alicante and Max’s death, Alec had been more withdrawn, barely opening up to cry in front of Magnus. Sometimes, Alec would break down in horrible, heart wrenching sobs and was unable to stop until the early morning, when the rays started to seep through their curtains, and then, he’d get up, wash his face and act as if nothing had happened, as if he hadn’t been holding onto Magnus as if he was the only thing keeping him from drowning. Magnus had tried to talk to him, but the boy –man, he reminded himself- refused to speak, and not knowing what to do, Magnus had taken him to a friend of his who worked as a psychiatrist. Ivy had told them Alec was suffering from major depression and had given them a prescription for antidepressants. Alec had refused at first, but had asked Magnus to buy them for him after a few days.

Alec kissed his cheek and went to the door, he had received a call from Jace saying there were a couple of demons around Taki’s making havoc.

“Alec!” Magnus said just as the blue eyed man was about to slip through the door. “You know Max loved you a lot, right?”

Alec was petrified, his shoulders were tense and Magnus could see the strain from where he was sitting. “I do.” And like that, his lover disappeared.

 

_Your little brother never tells you but he loves you so_

 

Magnus had just finished with a client when his phone started vibrating in his pocket; the ID flashed a name and he smiled fondly.

“Alexander,” he greeted with a smile.

“Magnus?” the voice on the other end was noticeably female, and not one he had heard in a while.’

“Isabelle?” Magnus frowned. “What’s wrong? Why do you have Alec’s phone?”

“It’s Alec, Magnus, it’s bad,” the young woman said in a rush, panic lacing her every word. “There’s so much _b-blood_ Magnus. I don’t – _I can’t lose him too_ , Magnus. I can’t-”

Magnus inhaled sharply and was already out the door when a new voice took over the call.

“Magnus, it’s Jace,” Magnus could hear Isabelle’s shaky breathing through the phone, even if she was no longer next to it. “Come to the institute, now.”

“ _Fuck_!” Growled Magnus as he made himself a portal, he had no time to lose.

 

 

Magnus appeared just outside the infirmary, and he pushed open the doors in a dash. Inside, the sight was horrifying. The floor was covered with blood; two men and two women stood around a bed soaking red, and lying on it was his dear Alexander. He walked briskly to the small group, Isabelle and Jace turning to him as soon as they heard him, face white with fear and hands covered in blood.

“Magnus!” Isabelle cried and stumbled to him, her hands pulling at his coat. “You have to save him, please, please, you have to! I can’t lose him too!”

This wasn’t an Isabelle he was accustomed to. Isabelle was fierce and sassy, not scared and broken. And Jace was no better than her. It frightened him.

“You know I’ll do anything to heal him,” Magnus said with honesty, gently prying her hands form his coat, now wet with Alec’s blood. “I’ll die if that’s what it takes.”

“I’m drawing iratzes over and over again and they don’t work,” Clary said as soon as he got to her side. Simon was next to her, drawing the healing rune over and over again, even if it kept disappearing.

“Noted,” the warlock asked as he scanned his memories for all the possible spells he could use. “What happened?”

“We were fighting these Dahak demons, which are tough and mean but not that hard to kill you know?” Simon had started babbling as Alec’s blood soaked his hands. “There were three, Izzy and I had finished one and the other was killed by Jace and Clary and Alec was fighting one on his own-” Magnus hissed at this, Simon scrunched his eyebrows together and looked down, “and he could have probably killed all of them on his own, Alec is pretty great, but then we all turned to see what was taking him so long and we saw him throw his weapons on the ground and he turned to look at us and _smiled_ and then the goddamn Dahak was on him. Jace was the first to react.”

“Thank you for telling me,” Magnus nodded at Simon as he evaluated the body before him.

Alexander was lying motionless on the bed. His skin was nightmarishly pale, his lips were blue and so were the tip of his fingers, the New York winter having seeped into his flesh. His shirt was torn open and his chest was open, he could see bone, and there was so much blood coming from everywhere, and his sadness –because that’s what Magnus was picking up and had been doing so for the past three months- was spilling like an overflowing sink. And yet, in this dying state, Magnus thought he was still as beautiful.

 

_You’re ripped at every edge but you’re a masterpiece_

“Help me take his jacket and the remains of his shirt off,” the warlock said and Simon moved to help him. Isabelle and Jace were standing pressed together, shoulder to shoulder, unable to move towards or away, and unable to stop staring. Clary was pulling Alec’s jacket off when a bottle with blue pills fell from it, she picked it up and her eyes widened before she turned her eyes to him; Magnus only shook his head, _not now_ , he pleaded.

“Now,” he rose his voice enough to snap the adoptive siblings out of the trance they were in, “everybody, OUT!”

Clary and Simon were the first ones to scuttle, moving to take their lovers with them, Isabelle went easily with Simon, still unseeing. Jace shook his head at Clary and moved towards Magnus.

“Please,” was the only thing the golden haired man said, but it broke Magnus’s heart all the same. He nodded and sent them away.

He looked down at Alec and bit his lower lip as tears clouded his vision. “What have _you_ done?” He brushed the boy’s ink black hair from his forehead and leaned down to press a kiss to it. “I will save you Alexander Gideon Lightwood, even if it costs me my life. I will bring you back and you will live past your twenties, past your fifties, you’ll live until you are old and wrinkling and greying.”

 

_I hope you make it to the day you’re twenty eight years old_

 

And so Magnus Bane put on all his jewelled rings, conjured white, rose and silver candles and lit them on; he wrapped a jade beaded cord around Alexander’s left hand, and put an agate, a garnet and a blue lace agate inside his right fist. He put a lapis lazuli on top of Alec’s belly button and in ink drew warlock runes for physical strength and healing. And then Magnus Bane began to chant as blue sparkles came from his fingertips and put the runes aflame. Power flowed through his body like blood.

“ _Omni virtute praecipio tibi ut curarem te, et dabis te in animam meam_ …”

 

 

Magnus Bane fell on top of a chair unceremoniously, his heart and lungs were about to cave in. Breathing was hard and it felt as if his heart was trying to beat its way out of his chest. His eyes were drooping but he couldn’t take his eyes away from the blue fingers and blue lips in front of him. Nor could he take the way the man’s chest didn’t rise and fall with the inhalation of oxygen, nor the absence of a pulse.

Alexander had died.

Magnus breathed in once, twice and, then, he screamed.

 

_Everything was blue._

 

 

Jace Herondale had been staring at the double oak doors in front of himself for the past three hours, seventeen minutes and forty one seconds unseeingly until he heard a scream coming from the room behind said doors. He stood lighting fast and barrelled into the room followed by Isabelle, Clary and Simon.

The room looked barely different than before, except that all furniture was pressed against the walls and some, literally, against the ceiling and there were different coloured candles everywhere and the room smelled like iron, smoke, begonias and daisies. In the middle sat Magnus Bane, The High Warlock of Brooklyn, hunched over himself with the heels of his hands pressed against his eyes and his body shaking with what sounded like sobs; and in front of him, stood the blood soaked mattress and on top his unmoving brother and parabatai.

Jace Herondale froze in his spot and fell on his knees. Somewhere behind him, Isabelle gasped.

 

And all hell went lose.

 

 

Simon and Clary had taken Isabelle away from the infirmary and so Magnus was left alone with Jace and the body of his lover.

“He tried to kill himself, today,” Jace said quietly, barely over a whisper. “He let the Dahak tear through his body.”

“I know,” Magnus said, eyes red and swollen from crying. “Simon told me.” Magnus inhaled shakily, eyes watering again. “He had been taking antidepressants for a month.”

Jace remained quiet, fists tightening. “Why didn’t he tell me?”

“He was trying to be strong, to keep it together for all of you.”

Jace shut his eyes tightly and bit his cheek, drawing blood. “I thought you said you’d heal him even if it meant dying.”

“They wouldn’t have it,” Magnus acknowledged as he stared at his bloodied hands and clothes. “They wouldn’t let him go and didn’t want me in return. I did everything I could.”

Jace nodded and started to cry.

 

 

_“They need you more than me,” said a small boy with dark hair and dark eyes, glasses askew on his face. “Go back to them, Alec. I’m okay. You’re fine now, Magnus healed you. Go.”_

 

 

And then, after thirteen minutes and twenty eight seconds, Alexander Gideon Lightwood gasped as his eyes shot open and his heart resumed pumping. His chest marred with scars but closed and healed.  

 

Magnus Bane laughed and cried all at the same time.

**Author's Note:**

> "Omni virtute praecipio tibi ut curarem te, et dabis te in animam meam" translates roughly to "Every power I command to heal thee, and give thee my life." 
> 
> Jade is a gemstone known for its luck and healing properties. 
> 
> Agates are very protective stones, making them the perfect stones for amulets and medicine bags. They also bring us courage, emotional strength and self-confidence.
> 
> Blue Lace Agate is a wonderful stone for activating and healing the Throat Chakra. It enhances verbal communication and expression, while promoting the acceptance of your emotions. It is a very supportive stone that calms your nerves, bringing a sense of peacefulness. Blue Lace Agate is an especially helpful stone for those who may be feeling depressed or worried. It can also be used to relieve insomnia and ease tension headaches.
> 
> Garnet is a stone of health and energy that enhances energy, passion and pleasure. It is said that the only light on Noah’s Ark was provided by a Garnet stone. It helps to move the chi and energy flow within the body, stimulating physical activity. Garnet is a good stone to help with depression, as it brings joy and hope to the wearer and helps lessen the anger directed at oneself. It also cleanses the chakras of negative energy, re-energizing them in the process.
> 
> Lapis Lazuli is a stone that has existed since the beginning of time. It is a gemstone of total awareness that connects the wearer to a higher truth. Lapis Lazuli helps to foster verbal expression, opening and balancing the Throat Chakra. It provides wisdom and connects you to your spiritual guardians, shielding you from negative energy and returning any negative vibrations back to their source.
> 
> Begonias can be prepared in several different ways. An infusion made by soaking the flowers in hot water helps to eliminate headaches and rid the body of toxins. The crushed flowers and leaves can also be rubbed directly on the skin to help relieve pain and heal sores or burns.
> 
> Bellis Perennis – Also known as the common daisy, this flower holds a wealth of medicinal properties despite its unassuming appearance. When used in an infusion, it acts as a laxative as well as an expectorant to purge the body of toxic matter. It is also used as a home remedy to help treat physical disorders such as arthritis and rheumatism. Direct application to the skin through an ointment or poultice aids in healing wounds.
> 
> Candle colours:
> 
> White: This has the highest consciousness to protect, purify, and heal. Represents truth, unity, protection, peace, purification, happiness, and spirituality. Some say it can be used to replace any color candle in rituals. Used for concentration rituals and meditation work. Lunar energy. 
> 
> Rose: Rose is great for treating heart ailments, anxiety, depression. Good for people who suffer from nightmares. This graceful color increases admiration, love, friendship, fidelity, and calmness. Can also arouse emotions. It stimulates compassion for self and others, higher mystical powers and humor. 
> 
> Silver: Encourages stability; helps develop psychic abilities; attracts the influence of the Mother Goddess. Also used to stimulate mental telepathy, clairvoyance, and intuition. Can be used for cancellations and neutrality. Stimulates psychometry, dreams, female power, and astral energies/projection. 
> 
> I think that's everything you have to know. Thank you for reading!


End file.
